The Sultan of Istanbul

Istanbul is in Europe (technically) but it's nothing like any country I've ever been in. Nothing here is as you would think, nothing is simple even buying groceries.

I had the most horrible time getting here, my Eurail pass doesn't take me to Turkey (it's not in the EU) so I spent a stupid amount of money on a train ticket. As I got into the train the pasta sauce in my bag (who puts glass jars in their bags? Seriously?) broke open all over my stuff covering every one of my possessions in sauce and driving a huge piece of glass deep into my leg. I dragged all my stuff into the bathroom of the train (which was 3'x4' with no toilet but a hole in the floor where the shit could drop onto the tracks. Apparently I was not allowed to be in the bathroom so the conductor was banging on the door yelling at me in Turkish to get out while I tried to get the pieces of glass out of my bag and figure out what was sauce and what was blood, both of which were all over me, my bag, the bathroom and the train floor. I managed to extract the glass from my leg, (despite my EMT training telling me never to pull anything out of a wound), and made a feeble and failed attempt to clear the sauce out of my bag. When I finally got out of the bathroom the conductor was livid, and kept screaming at me and pointing to the bloody gash in my pants and the rapidly increasing pool of sauce and blood on the floor. I didn't know what to do and couldn't understand a word of what he was saying so I calmly walked by him and went into my train compartment and locked him out.
The compartment was occupied by a shocked Turkish family who looked horrified to see a tourist covered with blood drag her backpack filled with tomato sauce into the compartment with them but I didn't care. I felt like crying and I couldn't understand why everyone was yelling at me and I missed the great country of America where at least I could explain myself and then go home and take a shower.
To make matters worse I found that the train ride wasn't going to be 8 hours as I originally thought but 23 hours, the last four of which were on a bus we would be transferring to at 3AM. This meant no sleep and 23 hours before I could wash off the gash on my leg and decide if I needed a visit to the ER.
Hours later at the border with no sleep and smelling like spaghetti I got off the train in the middle of nowhere surrounded by angry looking armed Turkish soldiers. They told me that I needed a visa to enter the country, they only took cash and there was no ATM. I told them I had 500 Hungarian Forints, 2 Romanian Lei, the total of which was less that the 15 euros they were asking and they didn't take that money anyway. When I said I had no cash and could they just let it slide this once they looked at me very seriously and said I would have to stay there with them and that some women offered "special services" in exchange for a visa. I told them to go fuck themselves and that they were old and ugly and that they couldn't afford American pussy anyway. I was tired and injured and angry and I could have gone on and on telling them all the things that were wrong with their faces but fortunately before they could shoot me three gorgeous french men who had been on the train with me came and bought my visa for me. So we entered Turkey and pulled into Istanbul as the sun was rising on the river. Lost and confused and starving we all banded together to go and find a kebab which was all we could  think about. However at 6 am there are no kebab stands open so we wandered all over the city until we found a man opening his travel agency. We asked him if he knew where we could get cheap tea and he said nowhere in Istanbul had cheap tea but we were to come up immediately to his house and he would make us tea.
This man's name is Eddie and if you ever go to Istanbul, Eddie is your man.
We climbed up to his apartment wondering if he was going to poison us or steal our organs but in fact he made us the most fantastic tea and then when we mentioned we were hungry and wanted kebabs he ordered us a fantastic huge Turkish breakfast. Then he called my couchsurfing host to make sure everything was OK. We ended up spending hours at his place talking about life and the world. By the end we decided that Eddie is the Sultan of Istanbul. He has his own travel agency, as well as a Turkish restaurant in Japan. He apparently parities so hard that if you tell them in any bar (in the entire country of Japan) that you know Eddie, you drink for free. He had some amazing advice on life, sex, women, Istanbul and how to find the perfect Kebab. I think he also speaks 6 languages. He insisted on taking care of us because he said people once took care of him when he was a traveler long ago. (Not that long ago since he's about 36 years old). Then his business partner arrived and we drank more tea. In fact by the time we headed out, me to meet my host and the boys to their hostel, I was so caffinated that my teeth were chattering and I felt like there were ants under my skin. I don't usually drink caffinated beverages so this was sort of a shock to my system.
Eddie designated one of the many young Turkish men who are everywhere to take me to the tram and tell me how to get to my hosts house and after a short ride (in which I became aware that I was the only one in Istanbul with my shoulders exposed) I met Ravi, my Istanbul host.

Ravi is (like most of the young people here) from a zillion places, originally from India and then London and then Istanbul with a couple of places in between. He is a vary strange character. Most of the time I never know what he's talking about or if he's telling the truth. He only speaks in non-sequitors and rarely finishes sentences. The rest of the time he makes no sense. He's been really nice though, showing me all the music videos he thinks I need to see. His motto is "It can always get crazier".
Ravi lives with two other guys, Rani and Hakam, both originally from Syria. The three of them keep a near constant stream of couchsurfers coming through their house and when I come back every night there are different people hanging out. They live in the "Penthouse" in the Feniksade district. This is an apartment that seems to have been stuck as an after thought on top of a high rise apartment building. You reach it at the top of 95 stairs. It's a fantastic place with 5.5' ceilings made of wood. There are things that live in the ceiling. Hakam explained that there's a space between the ceiling and the roof and that's where the things live. He says they're seagulls. I don't think they are seagulls. When I hear them above my head at night they sound like they're running and crawling instead of hopping. They growl and scream in the small hours of the morning. At first this terrified me but I reasoned if Hakam thinks they're seagulls then this means he's never seen them so I suppose they don't ever come into the apartment. There is a hole in the bathroom ceiling that leads to their domain so I try to keep the bathroom door closed at night when they're most active.

Istanbul is like nowhere else I have been. You have to bargain for everything. They think you're stupid if you pay the price they originally told you. Also there appear to be no traffic laws. There are bikes and motorcycles and trams and taxis and buses all crammed into the streets that only have room for a quarter of that number. They don't pay any attention to traffic lights and my hosts have taken to holding my hand when I cross the street. At first I was annoyed but they have saved me from getting killed many times. You never know where the cars are coming from and they never stop. Turkish people just jump out of the way when necessary. Also there's always some drama going on. Taxi drivers yelling, people arguing, men trying to sell you something. Walking down the street you're likely to pass tourists in miniskirts and women with only their eyes showing, men selling you designer bags, perfume, earrings, even men with baby bunnies they thrust in your face. If you touch the bunny (especially adorable to encourage touching) the man will demand money because his bunny gave you luck.
I had an interesting opportunity to use my EMT skills when the taxi I was riding in broadsided a guy on a motorcycle. I leaped out and rushed to hold c-spine. When the paramedics arrived they were impressed with me and one of them tried to chat me up while I was transferring my c-spine hold to him.

Ravi told me that if you don't see a mosque in your neighborhood you can call the police and construction will begin the next day. This must be true because there are a LOT of them. They also pray 5 times a day and so you know it's time to pray, people stand in the towers of the mosques and chant over a bullhorn. The first one is at 4:30 am. My friends here tell me that this serves for another purpose, when you hear them call the first prayer of the day you know it's time to go to bed. I have heard them call morning prayers from many a hookah bar this week. It's so beautiful to watch the sun rising while you listen to the chanting. When the sun rises it lights the gold on the roofs of the mosques and it looks like they're on fire.

The second day I stayed here I met up with my French boys and we went to the "Grande Bazaar". This is a huge network of covered roads filled with shops. It's a bit touristy but totally amazing. It's so colorful and every booth is filled with fabric or lights or beautiful jewelry. I got some presents for people but I find myself spending so much money and now my backpack is really heavy. Also when I walk anywhere EVERYONE tries to sell me stuff. Designer purses, perfume, jewelry, even gold bars in one place ("is good investment beautiful woman")! We were exhausted by out adventures so we went by Eddies's travel agency to bring him beer to repay him for being so nice to us. Instead of accepting our beers tho he fed us tons more food and then we all went out to smoke the "water-pipe" (no one calls it hookah here) and to drink more. Then we made friends with a stray dog who then decided we were his property and lay next to us and tried to attack anyone who came near us.
There are a lot of other things I want to see here but I can't see it in a week or even a month. However I am nearing the point where I have to report to France to work so Eddie scored me a ticket on a bus to Thessaloniki in Greece.
His partner at the agency also is looking for a cheap ticket to bring Greg here to visit. Eddie and co. have saved our lives. I have gone in to say hi to them every day for advice or information about the city. They're always there with tea and gossip. If you are ever in Istanbul their agency is called Hareykaldiyan Travel in Sultanamet. They will hook you up.

So every night we've been hanging out. Ravi and company have a constant stream of interesting people passing through and I have met people from all corners of the world, including some I hope to be able to host in California. I have arranged for a really sweet couple from New Delhi who I am trying to show around San Francisco in September. I look forward to getting to repay the generous hospitality that people have shown me the last few months.

Also as a side note I received a message from The Burble that he is safe and sound still in Romania and he's learning Romanian and also learning to slack line. I think he may forget that he promised to come back to France with me in June. I talked to my mother about it but she's so horrified that I'm alone in Istanbul that I think I just worried her more. Tomorrow we go to Asia. It's apparently just across the water and we're going to have lunch in Asia.